Finally Free
by BunnyStar
Summary: A certain golden hair tenshi reflects upon the last season of Sailor Moon with a sad ending, please r/r*DISCONTINUED*
1. Finally Free.

Pain, hate and confusion often cloud our judgment make us do things we would normally never do, say things that were never supposed to leave the back of our minds. Yet even though we try no to, all of us at one time do, sometimes more than once. The only difference is sometimes its little things that never really amount to anything…. but other times its things that ruin everything.  
  
I watched him leave, and it left a hole in my heart…. I watched that shooting star with my last bit of hope and when it vanished from the night sky my shine vanished with it, my eyes lost their sparkle, my step lost its bounce. Everyone tells me I've changed, all I can do is try to smile and tell them its not so, but in my heart I know I've changed…everyone has changed, wither we've grown older or wiser, grown more closer or apart, followed our dreams or found new ones, we've all matured…..Ami has become the doctor she always wanted to be, Rei inherited the temple from her grandfather once he passed away and has become a successful businesswoman as well, Makoto started with one restaurant and now has eight in the Japan area and fifteen around the world, Minako has become the head of a modeling agency after she spent a few years modeling, Haruka still races and has traveled everywhere, Michiru still plays her violin and paints, and Hotaru, little Hotaru has grown up into a beautiful young woman who is working hard in her studies. Sestuna is still at the time gates but visits and every now and than, and Mamoru…well Mamoru is Mamoru, he'll never change.  
  
I guess you could say I have changed, my hair is lighter, my eyes are darker, I lost weight and my appetite has lessened to almost nothing, but my dreams? Ha, right my dreams; remind me what they are again.  
  
I tried to change my destiny, to many times to count…..but every time they come after me, they talk me back and than a few weeks later I'm trying to break away again. It has really become a little routine I guess you could say. I've tried to tell them, explain to them that I don't want this destiny, for all I care Fate and Destiny can go fuck themselves, theres only one person I want to be with, the raven haired, navy eyed idol who at one time protected me like on of my very own senshi. But they never listen to me, they just say that Mamoru and I have things to work out…. everything will be fine, I'll see. But I don't want to see, I just want to be happy. But as long as I'm here with them I don't think I'll ever be able to be happy, why is that? Because they are determined to run my life, so I can make the future they all want, but it isn't the future I want, I'm not the girl they want, they'll realize once I'm gone that they can always find some other unknowing little girl who will be glad to accept this destiny, than they can leave me, leave me to fly, fly far away and be free to live my life the way I want to…….  
  
I watch the little pools of blood that seep from the cuts on my wrist, a small, sad, but real smile tugs at my crimson lips, I giggle enjoying the pain that floods my body, not a pain really….a release. I sit among the silk sheets of my bed watching the crimson stain the pearly white color, thinking of all the tears these sheets have dried, all the pain I've wept into this fabric, all the times I screamed in protest as Mamoru forced his way into me saying I teased him and this was what I deserved. But now I won't have to worry about it, will I?  
  
Everything is going light now, everything is swirling around me, I can't help but giggle, soon I'll see my Seiya again…..very soon.  
  
"Oh Kami! Usagi!" Is the last thing I hear before everything is gone and I feel happiness and release run through me…I am finally free. 


	2. Finally Free-The raven haired idol

Sometimes, no matter how long or hard you've loved some one; they'll never love you back. And sometimes, you have to be ok with that. But sometimes that isn't good enough, maybe God wanted you to try a little harder, even if it seemed impossible, at times you thought that person was always meant to be in your arms, where you could hold them tight and love them, protect them and be there to catch them when they fall, but one time where you can't catch them, you can't come fast enough and they fall, and sometimes that fall is the one that takes them away forever.  
  
Dark sunglasses hide my red, puffy eyes as I stand in line, waiting for my turn to look at her beautiful face one last time before its lowered into the cold, dirt that isn't suitable for such a bright, once full of life girl. I came as soon as I had heard, since I came it has rained non stop, it seems everyone is weeping for the fallen tenshi. I can't help but hate myself, people tell me it isn't my fault, but I know, I can see it in their eyes, if I had been there when she needed me most, if I had been there to hold her, to catch her and mummer sweet things in her ear than this wouldn't have happened. I steal a glance at the three people who I had always thought would protect her. Haruka, the one I had mistaken for a man so many years ago is the first one to catch my eye, she didn't like me since the first time we met, don't get me wrong though, I hadn't liked her either, but near the end when she was killed and told me to protect her princess, I realized she loved her Hime, more than life itself, and I came to respect her. Than there was Michiru, the aqua haired voilinst, the one who had always stood by Haruka's side and backed her koibito up, now I never really had anything against her, and I respected her as well. Than there was Sestuna, I don't really remember Sestuna very well, but she was stern, but at times she seemed almost like a mother to her Hime, she claimed she knew the future and that no matter what, I couldn't get in the way, and it would come to pass, I shake my head now, and think if you knew the future Sestuna than why in the hell isn't she still alive?! Why in the hell did she die alone?! When she once confessed to me one of her biggest fears was to die alone, without anyone she loved or cared about there to comfort her! I than see Mamoru Chiba, her Mamo-chan, my blood boils and my hands tighten into fists, that ass hole, I had excepted him to take care of her, better care than her senshi would have, especially since she seemed to love him with her heart, soul and body, he had everything I wanted and he had let it slip through his fingers as if it was nothing, nothing important. Than I see the four girls who had seemed to be the closest, they all have puffy eyes and tear stained faces, everyone is clothed in black, but they seem to stand out. I feel a pang of guilt when I look at them, this loss seems to big for them to bare, as it is for me...its my turn now, I look at the angel, her eyes closed and her lips turned slightly up in a smile, her wrists aren't shown, thank God, her golden, now more silver hair is down, locks of it frame her cold, yet still angelic face, my attention turns back to her lips, that smile..it doesn't look fake, almost as if she had died smiling like that, than again I guess she must have, without thinking I lower my lips and place a soft delicate kiss upon her crimson lips, when I pull away I place a red rose by her face, it does her beauty no justice but it gives me some peace. I turn to walk away, choosing to ignore the angry stares I get from the three who had never really accepted me and the man my tenshi had claimed to love, I walk past them my head held high, only stopping when I feel a tug on my jacket. "Seiya-kun..Usa-chan-" She had to cut off trying to stop the sob that was rising in her throat, "This was found in Usagi's room." The raven haired priestess pressed an envelope into my palm, and my hand quickly closed around it like I was afraid it would disappear, she gave me a quick hug and hurried away, I watched her retreating form before I turned and left the church, the rain pelted me as soon as I walked outside, I slipped the letter into my back pocket and removed my sunglasses revealing bloodshot, puffy navy blue eyes. I run as fast as I can, a clap of thunder is heard, and I remember when she told me she was scared of thunderstorms, I can't help but smile, just a little, suddenly I stop noticing I had run to a place I remembered well, the scene flashed before my eyes as if she was there right now. The rain slapping down, her kneeling form with locks of golden hair everywhere, her frail body wracking in hysterics, I knelt down and lifted the imaginary girl's chin as I had done so many years ago, "Am I not good enough?" I said the same words I had said, and like last time received no answer, tears streamed down my face, "AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!" I scream looking at the sky but only receive another clap of thunder as my answer. Shaking black tendrils of sloping wet hair away from my face I slowly stand up and head back towards my hotel tears making me shake violently. Pushing open the door I shed my wet clothes and slam it behind me, grabbing a bathrobe I slip it on. After towel drying my hair I remember the letter Rei had given me and retrieve it from my back pocket. I study the light pink envelope with stamp bunnies on it and the name 'SEIYA KOU' scribbled on it, sitting in a chair I rip it open and remove the letter.  
  
'Seiya~ I hope this some day reaches you Seiya...when it does I'm only guessing it will come with the news of my passing. A coward's way out, ne Seiya-kun? I guess so, but it was my only way out. You remember when you left Seiya? And I told you we would be the best of friends forever? That isn't what I meant Seiya...I meant I loved you but at the time I couldn't admit it to you, much less myself, no I couldn't admit it till a year or so later.. after I realized that after you had left I was missing a piece of my heart and of my soul, you could say I had lost my shine, because I had certainly lost everything else that mattered, my ginzuishou, that shine is gone to, its just a piece of dull glass, nothing more than a trinket, much like my body, a shell of its former self. My love for Mamoru vanished.and I'm not sure if it even ever existed, he knows it but it doesn't matter, he tells me I am his and no one else's...he forces himself into me even when I protest.but Seiya I've stopped fighting, it seems this is what Fate and Destiny want from me..I tried to break away but some how it never works. God I'm a baby, aren't I Seiya? Tell me Seiya do you ever watch the stars? I do..I try to find your planet and try to think of what you could be doing. Do you remember when you caught me in that thunderstorm and I was crying and you asked 'Am I not good enough?' I remember, I remember because I think of it everyday.. and if I could go back I would have told you that you were more than good, you were to good for me you deserved someone better. Remember our first date Seiya? That was fun ne? Oi! Thinking about those fun times makes me wonder, why didn't you ever come to visit me Seiya? Was it because you found someone back home? I don't blame you if you did, I let you slip through my fingers Seiya, and I'm sorry...I let Destiny run my life and look what it did, I could have changed it you know? Remember when you as Fighter were the only one who thought we might actually be able to work together? All I ever wanted Seiya was to help you any way I possibly could, and I still feel that way.remember when our final battle came and all my senshi had died? I lost hope Seiya, I had lost hope in everything but you renewed that in me you helped me to win, maybe if I had seen you, you could have renewed the shine in me, renewed the life in me as well. But its to late now isn't it? I just wanted to say aishertu Seiya! Now and forever! And Seiya, I do hope that we can meet again, because if we ever did I assure you we both wouldn't end up in heartache. Never forget me. Ja ne Seiya, Your Odango.'  
  
Tears fell down his face, "Iie Odango..I could never forget you." He looked out into the rainy sky, and watched as the rain slowly stopped and the clouds suddenly started to part, revealing a night sky with twinkling stars, and a full moon, his navy eyes reflected the night sky as he rested his forehead against the window pane, "Aishertu forever Usagi-chan, my Odango Atama."  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~ Well that story was dark wasn't it? If no one liked it I'm sorry, I really wrote it for my own pleasure, I actually wrote it after reading a very sad story that made me cry, and I moved me to write this piece, now there might have been a few things you didn't understand: This takes place about 4 years after Sailor Stars. What Usagi means when she says, 'forces his way into me' is that Mamoru raped her many times, but I didn't want to say that it seemed to blunt. The first chapter was a point of view from Tsukino Usagi expressing her pain and death while the second chapter was from Kou Seiya expressing his pain and sorrow after Usagi's death. I know on the letter Seiya's name is written 'Seiya Kou' and your probably thinking, wait in Japanese Kou should be first but if you see the subtitled show or read his introduction he introduces himself as 'Seiya Kou'. I would also like to thank the two people who reviewed! And yes there was supposed to be another chapter but ff.net screwed it up and yes I am hoping to write more chaps for this story, thanks again. 


	3. Finally Free-The fiery priestess

Good-byes will always hurt, pictures never replace having been there, memories, good or bad, will bring tears; and words can never replace feelings.... I always knew I'd look back at the tears and laugh, but I never thought that I'd look back at the laughs and cry I learned that things change, people change, and it doesn't mean you forget the past or try to cover it up. It simply means that you move on, and treasure the memories. Everything is ok in the end, if it's not ok, it's not the end. Please remember me, when I am gone from here. Please remember me, but not with tears. Remember I was always true. Remember that I always tried. Remember me and smile... For it's better to forget, than to remember me and cry.  
  
We- no I was supposed to protect her, how could I have let her die? She was my best friend, she was my princess...Looking at her lifeless face I burst into tears again, "It isn't fair." I whisper, "How can you go off and leave us all behind?" I cry out, "How could you Usagi!" My hands ball into fists as tears fall from my violet eyes. "Rei-chan." A comforting hand is placed on my shoulder, "Its not fair Ami!" I cry as I'm lead away from the casket and outside into the pouring rain, away from all the mummerings, and stares, "What am I supposed to do now? She was the real reason we were all living, but now shes gone everything seems so.." "Pointless." A girl with golden spun hair pulled back by a black bow finished for the raven-haired beauty, the three girls looked out into the rainy day, "I-I have to get back to the temple." Rei said softly before she walked off not listening to the other girls' protests, when she reached her temple she slipped in and looked around the room, pictures were everywhere, of her and all the senshi, her and the inners, her and ChibiUsa, but there was more of her and Usagi than any other. Slowly making her way to a smaller frame she picked it up, the metal was cold between her fingers, tears splashed onto the glass, it was Usagi in her pajamas, her golden locks of hair were down fanning out around her, Rei to was in her pajamas they both had their arms around each other, their tounges out and their eyes crossed, than she noticed something she hadn't seen before, a pink enevolpe was behind the picture, wonder crossing her features she reached behind and picked it up, 'HINO REI' Was scrawled on the front, she couldn't believe it, Rei quickly sat down and ripped it open. Rei- Hey Rei-chan, didn't think you would be hearing from me again, ne? Please don't blame yourself and don't say you aren't because I know you Rei and I know your blaming yourself. Right now your probably sitting on your bed looking at pictures of us and crying, I'm crying to, but not because of pictures, but because of leaving you all behind. Than why am I doing it? Your probably asking, I'm doing this because theres no other way out. All I ask Rei is treasure your life, treasure the good times and the bad because if you don't have the bad how can you enjoy the good? You were my best friend and I'll never forget that, but heres something I want you to remember, good byes will always hurt, pictures never replace having been there, memories, good or bad, will bring tears; and words can never replace feelings.... I always knew I'd look back at the tears and laugh, but I never thought that I'd look back at the laughs and cry I learned that things change, people change, and it doesn't mean you forget the past or try to cover it up. It simply means that you move on, and treasure the memories. Everything is ok in the end, if it's not ok, it's not the end. Please remember me, when I am gone from here. Please remember me, but not with tears. Remember I was always true. Remember that I always tried. Remember me and smile... For it's better to forget, than to remember me and cry. Rei-chan this isn't the end, I'll see you again, so until than always smile. Best friends forever! Usagi  
  
Tears splashed onto the paper as Rei slowly folded it up and placed it on her dresser, she pulled her knees to her chest and rocked slowly back and forth, a small smile gracing her lips, "I'll try Usagi-chan...I'll try." 


	4. Finally Free-The loner

It is immensely difficult knowing what you once had, and that it can never be the same way again because of one little mistake. Maybe you could have fixed that mistake maybe you couldn't have. But than maybe you weren't supposed to, maybe it was all part of destiny and as cruel as destiny is it always has a purpose. If it was meant to happen it would have happened sooner or later, even though it happened sooner than you would have wanted.  
  
I watched Rei disappear into the rain, I turn to go back in but I couldn't, I can't do it, seeing her pale face again will rip me up, that's not how its supposed to look. Her face was always so bright and cheerful, as well as loving and kind you knew you could depend on her but now.now I don't know what I'm supposed to do, whats going to happen and even if I want to be apart of it.turning around I smile or at least try to, but I know it falls pitifully short, "Tell Makoto I'll see her tonight, at the temple." I tell this to the blonde before turning, I wonder if she even hears me her cornflower blue eyes are glazed wither shes holding back tears, just thinking, or both I can't tell, we have all held similar looks lately, "All right Ami ja!" She calls after me trying to sound cheerful but we both know its fake, to fake and hollow for our liking. The pelting rain feels good on my skin, refreshing, I take my time walking home and just take in my surroundings a little more carefully than I usually would, I always found comfort in water.. if only it could wash away my sadness but I know nothing can, it mats my dark sky blue hair to my forehead, my pale blue eyes are tired and I feel as if they are all cried out and yet I can still cry more, strange isn't it? Opening the door to my two room apartment I glance at my fish and tap on the glass, my way of saying hello, for a few mere seconds I watch them swim about carefree all they worry about is food, somewhat sad if you think about. Quickly changing from my shoes to slippers I drag into the living room sagging down on the couch, I had taken a few days off from the office. I notice I have messages and slowly reach for the phone, but something else catches my eye, it's a letter, curious I pick it up, the soft paper feels familiar in my fingers bringing it closer my eyes widen as I see, "MIZUNO AMI" Scribbled on it, hastily I rip it open and pull out the letter. Ami- Ami-chan, I know your looking for answers.you always were the question type, ne? And I guess you deserve your answers, these may not be the questions your asking but maybe they are so here goes! Why did I do this? Why did I chicken out? Even as I write this I am not sure if I will be able to go through with this..but somehow I know I will. Leaving you all behind isn't what I wanted, but I needed to be free. What was on my mind that lead me to this decision? A few things were on my mind, one of them was leaving you behind, it wasn't fair I know, you were a true friend Ames you all were. One of my true reasons was, Mamoru.I didn't want to-no I couldn't live a life with him, a life with no love, a life of loneliness. And the last thing was Seiya. Ami, I love Seiya Kou! I don't know when and I don't know how but I do. Please after I'm gone don't go through your life sad, I wouldn't want that, you are one of my best friends, now and forever. You told me one time I helped you but in truth you helped me. Remember our window-shopping? I do.but that was so long ago.long ago when we all dreamed but look you're a doctor now! Your life long dream came true and I am proud. Someday Ami you are going to find a cure for all diseases that ail people and I look forward to that day. So hold your head up and look everyone in the eye, because you are one of the most special people in the whole entire world, and mankind will benefit from your knowledge. I can't wait till the day when I can once again see you all, look forward to that day because I know I will. Ja ne Usagi  
  
Carefully folding the letter she placed it into the breast pocket of her black dress a small smile came to her lips, "Oi Usa-chan." She whispered starring out at the sky and wondering if her oujo, her good friend was happy now. 


	5. Finally Free-The tough one

You taught me things no one else could, you befriended me when no one else would, you stopped the stares, you were my true friend, and I let you slip away.. but were we already slipping? Had we let things go by simply because we thought we were to busy? To busy for friendship? No that can't be.can it?  
  
My emerald eyes filled with even more tears, making me scold myself, 'Get a grip Makoto!' I hissed to myself, but I couldn't do it.. after seeing my friends leave I to got up and made my way to the doors, stopping by the small group that sat not to far away from where we had sat, it consisted of Haruka the sandy haired tomboyish racer, Michiru, Haruka's lover with stunning sea green hair, she was a painter and a violinist, Sestuna the keeper of time who had once told Usagi what the future held for her, Hotaru, she was in her teens now, with piercing purple orbs and the power to destroy everything we all held close and dear with one simple little sentence, and Mamoru.I had never really trusted the man not after all that happened, "Remember the meeting." I whispered before continuing letting the heavy church door slam behind me leaving behind the sniffles, sobs and the priest who talked as if he had really known Usagi which was a bunch of bull, "Minako your going to catch cold." I informed the golden haired girl, the only one who remained on the steps. A haughty laugh came from her, "And than I can die.just like her, isn't that what we all want? I FAILED Mako! I failed as her friend!" The blonde broke into fresh sobs and ran, "Minako matte!" About to go after her I stopped myself, shaking my head I made my way back to my empty apartment with my many plants, "We all failed Mina- chan, but what else could we do?" I whispered moving to water my plants, I watered each of them, each held a memory, each one special. Just as I was about to water yet another plant something stopped me.this plant, this plant Usagi gave to me, I remembered the day very well. Usagi trying yet again to bake almost burned down the whole kitchen, "Ahhhh Usa-chan what the hell!" "Gomen nasi Mako-chan!!!" The blonde was trying feverishly to save her burnt cookies and to whip away the smoke with her tendrils of hair. "Get out now Usagi!" "But Mak-" "Usagi!" Than the slamming of a door echoed. A few hours later after I had cleaned everything up I heard a timid knock, sighing I opened the door to see a sad Usagi holding up a plant, as if an offering, "Forgive me Mako- chan?" She asked. Smiling I took the plant and hugged the smaller girl, "Of course Usa! I just didn't want one of your dumplings catching on fire." I winked patting her bun as she scowled, than started laughing, I soon joined in. Tears fell from my eyes, sniffling I rubbed them away in vain, than something caught my eye, reaching for it, I knew what it was before I even touched it, "KINO MAKOTO" Dropping my water pail I ripped it open and leaned against a wall, taking a deep breath, blinking away my tears so I could read the words in front of me. Makoto- Mako-chan, watering your plants ne? Have to cancel that cooking lesson with you, gomen. I was sure this time the cookies would come out just right, not as good as yours though ne? If they were as good as yours I would just have to open up a restaurant to rival yours, but I could never do that to such a good friend... Makoto I'm thinking about the time I first met you when you told me to be careful after you save me from those bullies.than I saw you at lunch. Your lunch was really good! But that's not the point; you have said that I befriended you when no one else would, because everyone was scared. But maybe Mako-chan it was you who was scared, you were scared of making friends and possibly being hurt by them, or worse you hurting them. I never thought you would hurt me, I knew you are a good person, with a gentle soul even though you fought bravely and never wanted to give up. I'll miss your advice and your good food demo even though you can't see me anymore doesn't mean I'm not there, so leave extra food out for me Mako! Or you will feel the wrath of the rabbit on the moon. Enjoy your life and don't think of the has been or would have been, think of the future and be the best damn cook on this side of Japan! I'll be waiting for the day when I can eat your cookies and hear about who looks like your old sempai who sadly spurned you. Sayonara! Usagi  
  
Letting the letter flutter to the ground, shaking my head I had to smile, "Bunny." I mutter stepping over the water pail and making my way to the kitchen suddenly feeling the need to bake. 


	6. Note, please read

As of October 28th year 2002, all stories that contain this note are being discontinued, I may pick them up at a later date I may not I just may delete them due to lack of ideas and having to much on my mind. I am sorry to do this to you and I hope you will understand and please remember that only the stories with this note are discontinued others will be continued ~BunnyStar~ 


	7. Finally Free

To all who read, I am sorry to be the one who had to tell you this....for I feel it is not my place. I am posting this on all stoires. You do not know me but my name is Mary, I am the oldest triplet out of my other two sisters(it goes in the order of myself, Ashley and than Lauren/Bunny). For those of you who care and for those of you who don't Lauren, you may have known her as Bunny, died today at 12 noon, she was struggling with cancer, maybe she told you.....maybe she didn't. It is the same type of cancer that killed our mother and our brother. Lauren went into a coma earlier this week after having some problems the week before. The doctors decided that if she did not start breathing on her own by Thursday our family should consider stopping her life support. Of course no one wanted to do that. So we waited. Thursday at 2 am she awoke and asked for her family. She talked to each of us individually, and than she wrote a letter, the letter was addressed to all of you. I am typing exactly what was said in the letter, it is all of her own words, bad grammer and all:  
  
Dear friends, Some of you I have talked to recently and some of you I haven't talked to in months....maybe longer. This is my fault and I am sorry. For all of you who I didn't tell I have cancer, the doctors thought that it could be cured so I had hope but now I know that I'm going to die. Sounds sad doesn't it? A fourteen year old telling everyone that she is going to die but why candy coat things ne? I know some of you may be sad when you read this, some of you may not even care, some of you may not even read this.....but thats all right. My instruction was to have this posted only if I died. Well it looks like I have...damn that sucks. Well I had my fun in life, I had my ups and downs, some dreams came true and some shattered, I cried, I laughed and I smiled so now I guess its another person's turn. For those of you still reading this thank you and as my thank you I would like to give you some advice, read it, use it, laugh at it or discard it:  
  
A question I was recently asked by my 4 year old brother, who toddled into the room and was lifted onto my bed by my father before we were left alone, really made me think. He was so serious when he asked me, he had been playing with my hair and telling me about what he wanted for Christmas when he suddenly pulled back and took my hand in-between his and looked me straight in the eyes, "Lau what are you mostes afraid of?" I was dumbfounded at first but than I answered before thinking. "I'm afraid of time, I'm afraid of not having enough I mean to understand people, how they really or for others to understand me. I'm afraid of the quick judgments people make and the mistakes that we all make and can't fix because you can't fix those type of things without time. I'm afraid of seeing snapshots instead of movies." Than my brother kissed my cheek and told me he had asked Santa to fix me so I could come home. I cried than, I cried because I knew that my brother was a wonderful person, as small as he is and I'll never be able to watch him grow up. I'll never be able to fix his cuts or help him with homework. I'll never be able to have my own children or have my own love life. And I hate God for that, I hate that he is taking this all away from me. But thats selfish............love yourself and love God(as cliche as it sounds). Live your life like I couldn't because you only get ONE and than its over, try to understand people and don't make quick judgments, we all make mistakes, but some of us will have enough time to fix them and some of us won't. Don't always be cautious just do things, live your life to the fullest. I know I wish I had. But its to late for wishes isn't it? I love you all. Sincerely and forever yours, ~Lauren-anne/Bunny~ 


End file.
